Hello everyone,
It's that time of year again for me. 9 years ago today was the last day I would ever get to spend with my precious daughter, Breanna Ray. Tomorrow will mark the 9th year anniversary that she passed away. I've been in a funk for the past week or two, which is quite normal for me at this time of the year. No matter what people say to try and comfort us, the pain never dulls or goes away. It doesn't get easier, and I don't think about her any less. This is where my binge eating can really damage me, if I allow it.
I am trying to stay strong and eat as clean as I can. Last night I had the urge to binge on cookies in bed, but I drank some water and ordered a movie on Pay-Per-View instead. One mistake, and I will be right back at the donut store.... litteraly. I have been moody, grouchy, hard-hearted, and arguementive lately. I know why I am lashing out at everyone, and don't know how to change it. They don't deserve to be verbally abused by me, no matter what my reasons or excuses are. I am just not quite sure how to stop this madness every year on this sad anniversary. It's like I go into a "mourning" phase all over again, every year, at the same time. I am not even aware I am doing it. A few days ago, my wonderful husband asked me, "Is the anniversary of Breanna's passing starting to bother you? Have you been thinking about it alot?" I hadn't even consciously realized that I was starting to become depressed about it again, until he pointed it out.
My poor family.... they have to go through this cycle every year with me. I don't know how to stop it. I've gotten counseling and outside help many times over the past 9 years. I don't think anyone or any amount of counseling can take the pain away from a Mother who has lost a child. My only relief is knowing that my beautiful daughter is in Gods arms, and never has to suffer again. There is no Cerebral Palsey in Heaven, right???
I will try to stay strong over the next few days. I will consciously be aware of my feelings, emotions, and food cravings... because I know they are about to come on strong. I know I can turn to you girls here at KT if I am in need of encouragement and help. Thank you for that. You are my Sisters, and I couldn't go through this without you all.
Have a blessed weekend,
~Kymberly
It's that time of year again for me. 9 years ago today was the last day I would ever get to spend with my precious daughter, Breanna Ray. Tomorrow will mark the 9th year anniversary that she passed away. I've been in a funk for the past week or two, which is quite normal for me at this time of the year. No matter what people say to try and comfort us, the pain never dulls or goes away. It doesn't get easier, and I don't think about her any less. This is where my binge eating can really damage me, if I allow it.
I am trying to stay strong and eat as clean as I can. Last night I had the urge to binge on cookies in bed, but I drank some water and ordered a movie on Pay-Per-View instead. One mistake, and I will be right back at the donut store.... litteraly. I have been moody, grouchy, hard-hearted, and arguementive lately. I know why I am lashing out at everyone, and don't know how to change it. They don't deserve to be verbally abused by me, no matter what my reasons or excuses are. I am just not quite sure how to stop this madness every year on this sad anniversary. It's like I go into a "mourning" phase all over again, every year, at the same time. I am not even aware I am doing it. A few days ago, my wonderful husband asked me, "Is the anniversary of Breanna's passing starting to bother you? Have you been thinking about it alot?" I hadn't even consciously realized that I was starting to become depressed about it again, until he pointed it out.
My poor family.... they have to go through this cycle every year with me. I don't know how to stop it. I've gotten counseling and outside help many times over the past 9 years. I don't think anyone or any amount of counseling can take the pain away from a Mother who has lost a child. My only relief is knowing that my beautiful daughter is in Gods arms, and never has to suffer again. There is no Cerebral Palsey in Heaven, right???
I will try to stay strong over the next few days. I will consciously be aware of my feelings, emotions, and food cravings... because I know they are about to come on strong. I know I can turn to you girls here at KT if I am in need of encouragement and help. Thank you for that. You are my Sisters, and I couldn't go through this without you all.
Have a blessed weekend,
~Kymberly
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